Dear Arab brothers: Yes, you may borrow our prime minister!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
After all, we are brothers! Our prime minister is your prime minister. So, please do not hesitate to borrow him – and please do not feel obliged to return him any time soon. After all, Muslims are never greedy and know well to share their jewels.
I know you have been longing for a Gamal Abdel Nasser 2.0. I know it’s been four unlucky decades. But luckily, here is a better one: Our prime minister is even “more Muslim” than the late Mr. Nasser. He may not be an Arab, but he is trying so hard to be one.
And the good news is that we have a special offer for you, brothers: If you borrow our prime minister, we’ll lend you our foreign minister too – and that special offer is only for you! I know, that’s what brothers are for.
We, your Turkish brothers, perfectly understand the humiliation and collective trauma you may have suffered from the years 1948–49, 1956, 1967, 1973–74, and 1982. But here is a new Saladin Ayyubi who promises you the lands you wholeheartedly believe are yours. The lands for which you are prepared to kill – and die.
Here is a powerful leader who promises not only to run the Palestinian flag up over the UN building but also to liberate al-Quds. He will not only push Israel into the pre-1967 borders, but also to its pre-1948 borders, Inshallah!
Ironically, the holy task of uniting the Arab world (or putting together a new anti-Israeli front) may have fallen to a non-Arab leader, but try to be pragmatic. In the first place, you have failed to produce an Arab leader as charismatic and Arab-loving as our prime minister. And besides, what’s the point of objecting to a Turkish caliph since you lived under the rule of several of them for over four centuries in the past?
Moreover, this Turkish leader whom you so dearly adore will take your countries into the European Union, precisely like he has taken ours. He will give you state-of-the-art war toys including fighter jets, aircraft carriers, helicopters, modern tanks, frigates and spaceships, all made in Turkey, and more than just good to fight the holy enemy! And one day, who knows, perhaps a nuclear bomb! Are we not as good as our Shia brothers?
Dear Egyptian brothers! I know you feel nervous because our prime minister, visiting you capital, pledged to launch a high-level strategic cooperation council between our two brotherly countries, like he had done a few years earlier with our Syrian brothers.
He has also vowed to increase our bilateral trade by more than three-fold, like he had done with our Syrian brothers. I know past experiences show that these are not good signs, but they should in no way scare you. Remember, one day we’ll pray all together at al-Aqsa mosque in the Palestinian capital al-Quds!
All the same, I have learned with deep regret that some irresponsible leaders of your Muslim Brotherhood/Freedom and Justice Party have been gossiping to infidels about our prime minister and our country.
For example, a certain brother Mahmoud Ghazlan has said that Turkey violates the Shariah because it does not punish adulterers. That shame is not our prime minister’s fault at all! A few years earlier he wanted to pass a law that illegalizes adultery but infidel Turks prevented that. And it was very unbrotherly of brother Ghazlan to say that “it’s not allowed for any non-Egyptian to interfere in our constitution.”
Also, a certain brother Essam al-Erian spoke to a Christian news agency, saying that our prime minister and Turkey could not assume a leader’s role in shaping our region.
Now, what kind of brothers are they? One suspects a Zionist conspiracy here, but never mind… Brothers Ghazlan and al-Erian should have carefully listened to our prime minister when he said that Turkey may be a secular country, but he, as an individual, is not secular. So, give him credit.
Dear Arab brothers! You have yearned for a Nasser, and God has given you an Ottoman sultan. Enjoy him.
Peace be upon you…